"So you've got this new blog up and going, something about being a basketball junkie, right?" he asked. "Well, if you really want to blog about the Mavericks and do things right, then you need to be at as many games as you can in person, don't you, to cover things from the fan's perspective?"
"Yeah, I guess, "I said, not really sure where this line of questioning was leading.
"I checked it out today, and it really wouldn't cost all that much to get you a season ticket for the remaining home games," Dad replied. "Just think of it an investment in your future. Go to the games, write the blogs, and see what happens. Maybe something will come of it, maybe not. But I already talked to your Mom and she's on board with it, too," he finished.
My heart was pounding in my ears with excitement at just the thought of being able to attend the remaining 21 games and my first instinct was to jump at the opportunity. Until the little voice in the back of my head popped up and started trying to talk me out of it. Don't do it, the faceless fearful voice echoed. Just think of all the pressure you'll be putting on yourself to make something big happen. Then what if it doesn't, what if nothing comes of it? Sure, you've had a great time doing something you love and enjoy, but you'll have wasted Mom and Dad's money and again become a failure and a disappointment. Sometimes I'd like to just slap the snot out of that annoying little whinebag that hides inside my brain. It seems his only purpose is to stir up trouble.
"Just talk it over with Rickey," Dad continued, "and let me know what you decide. This could be a great stepping stone for you, a chance to get your name out there and have people follow you. It could be a springboard for your writing to really take off." Or not, came the retort from the pesky subconscious naysayer.
Rickey. My dear husband Rickey, the Spurs fan, who has so patiently endured my Mavericks obsession for so many years now -- I don't know why I hadn't thought of it sooner. Surely he would discourage the idea, as although it would be a labor of love, it would definitely be time consuming and might even take away from some of our quality time together. But much to my surprise, when I mentioned the idea to Rickey, he was not only supportive, but actually encouraged me to go for it, and for once in my life, just take a chance. If it turned into something bigger, fantastic; and if it didn't, just accept that it was a gift and enjoy the ride.
I've never been a big risktaker. I've been rebellious at times and gone against the grain, but I decided many years ago not to set my goals too high, because when I do, I inevitably fail. I don't want to set myself (or anyone else) up for disappointment down the road. My problem isn't just a fear of failure, but also a fear of success; once you prove that you can do something well, people begin to expect it from you consistently. As others' expectations climb higher and higher, you will eventually become unable to meet them. If no one expects anything from you, when you are able to do something extraordinary, everyone is pleasantly surprised and you are suddenly viewed as a success.
I've thought about it last night, and all day today, and even bounced the idea off several close friends, and their opinions have been unanimous: JUST DO IT! Lori, my best friend of nearly 29 years, summed it up best:
It might not turn into a career with Sports Illustrated, but who cares? You still get to put your thoughts and ideas out there for people to read. And by putting them out there you have the chance to affect people's lives...even if in a tiny way. At least they will stop their lives for a few minutes and consider your words. How flipping cool is that?????
So to answer your question, Dad...count me in. I think this is an offer I can't refuse. It's one of those rare golden opportunities that life (or your parents) only throw your way once in a lifetime, and despite the nagging little voice in my head, I'm not letting this one pass me by. Sometimes, you just have to take the first step and see where the road may lead...
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